For some men and women, the concept of the “date” has become muddled somewhere between technology, best intentions and charm. What then, exactly, is a “date?” In a recent radio interview I did (which will air in January) with Gloria McDonald, founder of Perfect Partners, we discussed the fact that it is a mistake to identify the first meeting with someone whom you have met online as a “date.” In fact, to reduce the risk of disappointment and minimize frustrations, it is better to describe these interactions as “meetings” because you are truly only meeting the prospect for the first time. That said, then, are there other “meetups” that do not qualify as a date? Let’s dive deeper:
1. I’m free, wanna hang out? The man who suddenly finds himself available on Friday at 6pm, texts you to see if you are available, is not asking you out on a date! While it’s true he might want your company, it’s also possible this is primarily because his friends have dates, are out of town, or have told him they prefer to watch the latest episode of Sports Center instead of heading out on the town. In sum, if a man asks you to “hang out,” it is not a date. A date requires preparation, advanced planning and intention.
2. Wanna meet up with my friends later? While to some advanced daters, this may seem absurd, please note that for many who date this meetup is deemed an acceptable version of the date. In fact, some clients who do this have described themselves as “dating” someone even if they have never been on a 1-1 official date with the man in question. The bottom line? Ensure that the man or woman you are dating makes it a priority to spend time with you, not as an adjunct highlight to his night.
3. I’ll call you when I’m done. There are many quality men, including Mr. Quality Casual, who could be guilty of making themselves available after they have finished a prior engagement. From conference calls to boxing classes to finishing up a basketball game they are watching with their friends, it is not a date when you are called upon as merely the after-thought activity.
In a recent Coaching Group I held last week, the eligible, attractive men who were participating described the behaviors they exhibit when they were truly “into” someone they were dating. The romantic gestures, thoughts and feelings they shared with the group were astonishing, receiving “awwww,” “how sweet,” and “wow” from the women in attendance. It becomes clear then, if someone whom you would like to get to know does not RETURN the feelings as manifested by their ACTIONS, then move on swiftly. Don’t wonder. Don’t ponder. Just say no. A date is “a date.” Think Bogart and Bacall. Sandy and Danny. And Jack and Helen in “As Good as It Gets.” These are dates. And to those men who set the bar where it should be, my hats off to you. Much thanks and appreciation.
Don’t forget — Tonight at 5pm pacific time I will be interviewing one of my favorite sex experts, Chrystal Bougon from Blissconnection.com, on specific ways to add VOOM to your love life. For those who know, I’m a fan of waiting 60 days until the Wing Wang and the Ding Dang meet. Don’t worry though, Chrystal and I are going to reveal some HOT options to keep you going until you and your partner are ready to make a commitment to exclusivity. Register here now! Can’t make the call? Register now and you will receive a link to download and listen at your leisure!