It was a very interesting tele-class last night in which Chyrstal Bougon, Founder of Blissconnection.com, revealed practical tips and techniques to have better sex with your partner. You can download the link now to listen to the class, but I want to write today to express this: While the places to touch, kiss and lick your partner are VERY important, one of the most important lessons we discussed on this call is the importance of communication.

For some men and women, the concept of the “date” has become muddled somewhere between technology, best intentions and charm. What then, exactly, is a “date?” In a recent radio interview I did (which will air in January) with Gloria McDonald, founder of Perfect Partners, we discussed the fact that it is a mistake to identify the first meeting with someone whom you have met online as a “date.” In fact, to reduce the risk of disappointment and minimize frustrations, it is better to describe these interactions as “meetings” because you are truly only meeting the prospect for the first time. That said, then, are there other “meetups” that do not qualify as a date? Let’s dive deeper

Men and women like you are spending money, time and energy to meet someone with whom they want to fall in love. What’s more, it means that because there are so many people actively dating, it is easy to rule someone out within 30 seconds of meeting them. “Ick,” you think. “She’s out. Who’s next?” Clients tell me there was “no chemistry,” admitting that after those first thirty seconds they literally stopped engaging with the person. Stopped listening carefully, never looked the person across the table in the eye, and immediately discounted them as someone they wanted to get to know.

When you have a bad moment, ick day, or you just seem to fall back into a rut, it’s powerful to know that you can make the choice to “coach” yourself back to vibrating at a higher energy level. The result, you are able to manage typical “down” moments when the inner critic in your mind is having a hey day to ultimately take back control of your life. Here’s how:

Sick of break up sex followed by confusion and heartache? Learn when it’s cool to be friends with your X! Listen to dating coach, Marni Battista, and Dignity Dating Man Panelist, Christian Anderson, give you the low-down on how to make a clean break! Want more, check out https://datingwithdignity.com

Here’s my concern: I have been barraged with information about products, classes and workshops touting opportunities for “holiday tune-ups,” tips to beat the “holiday blues,” and how to de-stress during the holiday season. The very titles of these programs assume that because it is December I, as the recipient of these emails, invitations and messages, have recognized, at long last, that my life sucks. It intimates I am somehow broken, need to be fixed, or must assuredly be stressed when I consider the vast amount of opportunities to celebrate that are prominent during this time of the year. To this I say, “bah humbug.”

It seems that letting go of a relationship, especially when the person meets 75% -80% of your needs, is a challenge. Men and women constantly ask me what is the “right” way to break up? Should they have “break-up” sex, can they be just “friends,” should they talk on the phone regularly? Or, should they just sever ties — make a clean break?

One of the most popular questions I received is based on a fundamental Dating With Dignity principle; a date is an opportunity to make a human one-to-one connection with another person — it is not an INTERVIEW! Quite a relief, isn’t it? So then, how can you make a shift in your thinking so that you approach a first or second date with the following objectives:

I am a big fan of the short and sweet phone call. Memories of hiding in the closet twirling the yellow phone cord haunt us all… That said, let’s review how the short goal-oriented phone call goes: Man calls woman. They speak for 5-10 minutes on the phone in which he ends the conversation by asking her to meet him (known to most of you as asking her to go on “a date.”) I invite you to keep these conversations short because spending one hour on the phone with someone you don’t know very well gives you an opportunity to send an inaccurate message about who you are.

the question this week revolves around skills to help you brave the unknown resultant feelings of ick that come from saying “good-bye.” First off, it’s important to know that it is, in fact, difficult to say “no,” to someone. Old patterns of creating drama to make it “easy,” must be avoided at all costs. He or she does not have to be a “jerk,” to warrant ending a relationship. Most important, once you determine if this person will not meet your long-term relationship goals, it is time to say good bye. Here are a few tips to get you through this difficult period.